Family Gathering

This evening we are going to the Arthur Park with my mom and all her kids and grandkids. We try to do it every year with one of the siblings taking their turn to be in charge. This year it is my sister Millie's turn. She is making some kind of chicken breast and potatoes and the rest of us are all taking  a side dish. I am trying a new recipe that I got from my sister in law. It is a very simple peach cobbler. Hers was so good! I hope mine turns out ok. It is still in the oven so I don't know. We are going to take ice-cream to go with it. Here's the recipe for it if somebody happens to read this blog and wants it.

Peach Cobbler

Melt 1 stick butter

1 1/2 cup flour

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

3/4 cup milk

Mix together like cake. Put in the bottom of a 9x13 pan and top with:

2 cups fresh peach slices

! cup sugar

1 1/2 cup water

Bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees

I did not use the whole cup of sugar.

I started this post on Sunday and have not gotten back to it until tonight and it;s already Thursday! 

good grief!

 It has been a busy week. On Monday I went with Elmer to his appointment with his oncologist. He seemed pleased with Elmer's progress and said that he was releasing him to his surgeon's care.

I made tomato sauce for the very first time on Wednesday. I ended up with 6 pint jars and 11 half pint jars. That should last the whole winter. My sister LaDonna was also at our house on Wednesday. Her twin boys love to play here and since school is starting next week there won't be very many more chances.

When I was gathering tomatoes I was surprised to find a bird's nest inside one of the tomato cages. I had not been able to see the whole plant before because of the squash plants that had covered it up. 

When I went ti gather tomatoes I just peered through the leaves for flashes of red. This time I could actually see the whole thing and besides the bird nest there was also a pumpkin hanging over the top of the cage.

Today I was watching one of my grandsons. He kept me entertained the whole day. I did manage to get my laundry caught up and gave the upstairs bathroom a good scrubbing even though he was here.

I have been sitting out on the porch swing and although it is getting quite dark I do not want to go back in. The sounds of the evening are so peaceful. Elmer is not at home however and he would probably not like me sitting out here in the dark so I will go back inside.  I watched a spider build a web tonight and despite the chills going though my body I was still fascinated by the sight. Another interesting sight I saw was this brown walking stick with four green legs.

Stages of Life

As I write this I find myself frustrated with a loved one who is not acting or reacting as it were to a life situation. In exchange, I am acting badly because at this time this person seems like he/she doesn't think about anybody but themself. in defense of their attitude change is hard and accepting that change can cause frustration, irritation, the why mes and how come I can't have what I want.
It has caused me to stop and take a look at my life. We all go through different stages of life and we all react differently in those stages. The stage of life with babies and toddlers can be just as tiring and frustrating as it is rewarding. Who doesn't love those sweet baby kisses and cute little first words and steps. At the same time which one during that time doesn't long for just a smidge of peace and quiet, a house that stays clean for longer than or even just gets cleaned, and most of all sleep, please, some sleep.
Then there are the years of school age, the frustrations of homework and can I go to their house; everyday! Or perhaps it's nobody likes me and the teachers hate me!
I know that some people wouldn't agree with me but I loved the teen age years. By then you can have long intelligent conversations with your kids and I loved the house full of giggling chatting teenagers!
There are the stages when your parents look to you for guidance instead of the other way around. It is extremely hard to be the parent of your parent. It hurts to see them no longer have confidence in their world. How does that even happen? I know for my mom that a lot of that happened because she can't hardly hear anymore and so feels very left out of everything.
I know that the Bible tells us that there is a time and a season for everything but I know that I sometimes wasn't very gracious about some of those seasons. I ask God's and my family's forgiveness for that and pray that I can receive the ones coming on with graciousness and thankfulness. I pray that I can be more understanding of those around me, whatever stage of life they're in.

The Scents of Summer

It is easy to see the signs of late summer everywhere. Sunflowers have bloomed and the seeds in the heads are ripening. Every evening, the barn swallows are gathering on our power lines. I'm pretty sure the numbers are from 200 to 300. It is a very interesting sight even though it makes me sad because I am never ready to give up summer. When I was a kid it seemed that the summers went on and on for a deliciously long time. It seemed like tomatoes were ripe almost as soon as school was out and we ate them all summer long. Now I know that wasn't true, but scents of summer are definitely smelled in out house right now. Yesterday, I made tomato paste for the very first time and the aroma was amazing. I couldn't believe how many tomatoes it took for not more tomato paste I got, but I will definitely do it again if I get enough tomatoes. I loved doing it. I used 15 pounds of tomatoes and ended up with 2 1/2 pints of paste. Unbelievable!

It kind of felt like I was taking care of a toddler yesterday. I was dog sitting for my niece's dog because they were away for the day checking out colleges. The dog had so much energy and was constantly dancing around looking for somebody to play with. He was pretty good at begging for food too.

I had taken him outside for some exercise and we came across these toadstools. Of course he dad to so some investigating.

Today I made pickle relish. It wasn't nearly as long a process as the tomato past but I enjoyed it too. I ended up with 17 pints. I had been shopping with Beth and when she bought some pickle relish, I told her, "I could make that for you" and so I did!

 I've raised some different cucumbers this year but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them. They are called cucamelons. They look like miniature watermelons but are actually cucumbers. I've checked online but I've not found any recipes yet.

Today is a pretty special day. Ive brought Cathy to the cancer center for her very last radiation treatment. I'm so excited for many reasons. but most of all because it won't cause her pain anymore.
God is good!

My Happy Place

I love sitting on my porch swing to eat breakfast, to read a book, to relax or just sit and watch the traffic. It is indeed my happy place! I noticed that it needs to be weather coated. I bought some throw pillows for it and I'm planning on painting the chains. They are getting rusty.
Today has been a good day! We went to church and heard a really good message. The worship was good too. I love our church. I always feel so close to God there and I love to feel His presence.
After church we went to eat at Black Dog with Beth and Emily. It was Beth's birthday and she wanted to eat there. It was our first time and while I loved the casual atmosphere I wasn't totally in love with the food. It was kind of like Famous Daves but not a chain and honestly I didn't like the food as well. After lunch we went to Menards and let Beth pick out a fire pit for her birthday. From there we went to Sam's Club and stocked on some things that we always but there. Now we are just at home being lazy.
I heard a locust for the first time for the summer this afternoon. Somebody has told me that when you hear the first one there will be frost in six weeks. That makes me really sad! I love summer and I am never ready for it to be over.
We had a good day yesterday too. Elmer decided that the bushes needed to be trimmed so he went out and started. I had to prepare some invoices that I do for a small private company, so I did those and got them in the mail then went out and helped him. Everything was pretty wet since we'd had rain for the last several days but I did manage to get one of my flower beds cleaned while we were working on the bushes in between picking up the mess for Elmer.
After we were one with that I ran uptown and let Beth's and her friend's dogs out.Then I came home mowed the yard and did a few things before I had to run back up town to pick up my sister Millie from her job and take her home. Millie is Amish and a caregiver for her husband who had a stroke about nine years ago. He can't work regular hours so Millie pick up odd jobs where she can to make money. She also writes a column in several newspapers. I like to help them out when I can. To end the evening Elmer and I went out to eat with his brother and wife at a steak place in Champaign. Like I said it was a good day.
I just came in from the yard and this is what was happening. I so wish I had a really good camera with a powerful lens.  This is the second Sunday afternoon that we have had swarms of dragonflies in our yard. I've was sitting out  there watching them then all of a sudden there was a humming bird flying in the midst of them as if he wanted to join in. Then here comes another one and they are both scolding at the dragonflies. Finally the hummingbird sat in a tree staring at them for a few minutes before he came flying right at me, hovering there in front of me as if to say can you believe this?! Seriously I'm not making this up! My yard is a fascinating place right now.

Today's Thoughts

Today’s thoughts are just random ones throughout the day because it is so quiet here at work. It has been rainy for two days and I don’t  think anybody is interested in buying outdoor furniture. Here is a picture of some of our product.

My book suggestion for the day is “An Affair With a House” by Bunny Williams. I have enjoyed the restoration photos, antiques, gardening pictures and advice, menus and recipes. It is so beautiful!

I dislike when somebody gives me a fake smile. All teeth and nothing else. If you don’t feel like smiling at me don’t; just be honest but don’t give me fake!

Well, I had a nice surprise! My sister Ferne came by and wanted me to go to the Mexican restaurant with her. I told her that I couldn’t leave but we could get carry out and eat here so that is what we did. It made the time go by a lot quicker.
Well, I left work early so that I could bring Cathy to her radiation treatment. She only has one more left after today. I am so happy for her but I am sure that I can't even imagine how glad she is! sitting here I see people from all walks of life coming through. Men and women, both walk through here and many are smiling even though I'm sure life isn't easy for them at the moment.
Ok even though it was slow at work today I have been pretty busy. My morning started around 6:00 AM. I got some laundry started and started getting ready for work. I had to be in Arthur by 7:30 so Beth cold take me to her friend's house, show me which door to go in and introduce me to her dogs so I can walk them tomorrow. It is usually my granddaughter Shae's job to do it when they are gone but Shae and Annika went with their dad to Iowa to their great grandmother's birthday party. So I managed to get some laundry washed and in the dryer, started the dishwasher and straightened up a bit before I left.
After I got back from taking Cathy to Decatur, I ran over to Mid-State Tank where my husband and I cleaned all the offices, restrooms and break room.While we were there my sister Louise called and wanted to meet us in Sullivan to eat at TNT , a local pizza place. Now I'm finally at home but Elmer went to the neighbors to do their chores for them since they left for the weekend.

Google Gotta Love It

I got a brand new range about a year ago and I've been trying to keep it spotless. It has a steam clean feature and I was excited to use it but I lost the manual. Since I didn't know how to use the steam clean I always had to use the self clean option even when it was just a little soiled. I kept thinking about it but never once did I think to check Google. I use google for everything but never thought about it for this until this morning I thought to check and sure enough there were the instructions! But what was even more ironic when I turned on steam clean the instructions scrolled across the screen. Good Grief! If would have just tried I would have found that out a long time ago!

Trauma and Reality

Have you ever had something traumatic happen in your life that you continually try to push away and pretend it didn't happen? Ever since Elmer has been diagnosed with cancer and is now done with radiation I can go for days knowing that it's happened and yet it seems that he's doing well. Then I'm going down the road and that ice cold streak of fear goes through my body again and it's all too real! My wonderful hard working husband who's never known a lazy day in his life and was never too tired to finish a job he had started or a chore that needed to be done now has a list that seems to stretch on and on. When I come upon him and he's just sitting there resting or laying down sleeping its sends fear into my heart. I want him to rest and I tell him not to work so hard but when I see him do it voluntarily it's almost more than I can handle.
When this happens I know that I need to stop and talk to God, give it all to him. It's too heavy for me to carry. He has to do that for me and I know that He wants me to give it to him.

A Day at Home

My verse that I loved today was from Psalm 27:4 The one thing I ask of the Lord- the thing I seek most- is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life delighting in the Lord's perfections and meditating in his temple. 5 For He will conceal me there when troubles come; He will hide me in his sanctuary.  He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

My song today is: In Your Light by Bethel Live.
I don't get very many days at home but today I actually did. I made the most of it. After my devotions I finished reading a book that I had started. It was pretty good but I didn't necessarily agree with all of it. It was called The Barista by Elijah G Clark
I did some weeding and all of my laundry. I cleaned up the house, drank lots of coffee and just generally had a peaceful day. I listened and danced to some praise music and had fun. While I was working I listened to an audio book by Ted Dekker. It was thought provoking as most of his books are.
We noticed tonight that the days are already getting shorter. It makes me very sad. I love summer and am not ready for fall. I don't like being chilly and after last winter I am rather apprehensive about facing another one! Oh well I should just enjoy the beautiful weather we are having and not worry about something that is not even here!

Swarm of Swooping Dragonflies

Elmer came in from the outside and told me there was a bunch of dragonflies outside so of course I had to go check. There was probably around 20 dragonflies out there just swooping around in circles, up and down, around and around. I guess they were eating some kind of infects. I stood out there watching them for a long time. As long as I stood still they got closer and closer. I tried my best to take a video but it was impossible and they never kept still enough for me to get a picture. It was a fascinating scene. Later on there was an even bigger swarm on the other side of tbe house and there were birds chasing them.  Do birds eat dragonflys? Hmm, guess I'll have to do some research. Here is a picture I found online

We had a nice Sunday. We didn't go to church as early as usual because the friends we usually have coffee with were not there. It was a great service today. After church we had lunch at Hickory River and then did some shopping before Elmer dropped me off with Emily. We had a shower to go to this afternoon so Elmer took our car and went on home. After I got home we were just lazy:). When I was done watching the dragonflys I started reading this book.

It's a fun relaxing read.

Creating a Bond

Today as I was mowing I was thinking about how good it felt that Elmer and I were sharing the duties  of lawn care.  I realized that we don't have to go on dates,(although that is important) to grow closer. What we need to do is spend bonding time together; to form a team to live this life together. God created husband and wife to share life in all forms. We don't have to be joined at the hip every moment of every day but we need to be joined in our heart and mind. When we have young children it is often difficult to get away on dates and we are often too tired to even spend a big chunk of quality time together. However. just sharing child duty or shopping for groceries together, helping each other with household duties can create a bond.
Bedtime even when we are too exhausted for anything else:)is a time for discussing things that your kids don't need to hear or sharing stories about your day. I remember thinking during a busy day, while taking care of my kids, that Oh I can't forget to tell Elmer about this or that. There were many times of telling him stories about my day and laughing hysterically about something that probably wasn't really that funny but just talking to another adult who understood more than a few word felt fantastic!
Creating a bond with somebody or something allows you to feel close to that person or thing even when you're not together. This is probably a wacky example but I used to help my dad with his swarms of honeybees. They are such fascinating creatures. They are a very industrious, intelligent insect creating honey out of pollen. Anyhow to get back on track I spent a lot of time creating a bond with honey bees and to this day when I'm mowing the yard it makes me sad when I mow over one.
I think that is how our relationship with God needs to be too. We need to spend so much time getting to know him and talking to Him that even when we are not consciously praying to him we still feel that bond with Him. When something comes across our path that doesn't agree with His teachings, we will feel it because of that strong bond.
I love when Elmer and I are both at home when maybe he is working outside and I am getting things done inside and yet it still feels like we are right beside each other. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't put my hand on his arm when we are settling down to sleep and I tell God thank you for giving me such a wonderful husband to love and cherish. That ritual started when I was thinking about the wedding vows; to love and to cherish, one day. I told God that I know I love Elmer but do I cherish him. Cherish to me means to go above and beyond  love and I wasn't sure that I was properly cherishing my husband. I asked God to help me figure that one out. When I started consciously trying to find new ways to"cherish" my husband it created an even stronger bond between the two of us.
If you're marriage is not as close as you want it to be ask God for help. He is definitely on the side of saving a marriage!

The Awful C Word

I have gained a new respect for my sister-in-law Cathy! She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013 and had a lumpectomy on November 19, 2013. She has been through chemo and now radiation. Those two things in and of themselves are no picnic in the park but I had no idea of how horrible some of the side effects are. Both treatments caused unbelievable suffering for her and she's had several other random things happen during all of this that were very unpleasant. Through all of this, she has continued going to work everyday, sometimes as early as midnight, except for a few days due to Drs. orders that she had to stay at home. She has 3rd degree burns under her arm and has extreme pain, her job is very physical and includes using that arm but her concern is that her family needs her financial help from that job and she dare not lose it, so she continues on. She has been there for her family through all this. I know that if all this would have been happening to me I would not have been able to face it with the courage she has. I am so glad she will be done with radiation very soon! Although I wish she would't have to have had the treatments, I treasure the time we shared on the rides back and forth to Decatur. I have gotten to know her in a new light and I am impressed with the person I have come to know.
My husband was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in the midst of Cathy's treatment so between the two of them I have made many, many trips to Decatur in the last year. My husband has completed his radiation treatment but is still living with the side effects. He is not a complainer either but I have been able to see that it is difficult for him to keep up with his life in the way he would like to. He too continued going to work and as soon as we could tell that he could handle it he went to treatment on his own. He left work in time to to make his appointments and then headed back to work after. His throat still bothers him a lot when he eats and his energy level is still way down but he still continues doing everything he can and more than he should. I don't know what I would do without him in my life! He is such a giver and helps me in so many ways that I can't even begin to count.I have always seen myself as a very independent person and tend to think I can do whatever I need to do on my own but when I look back on our married life I realize that most everything I have done has been done with his help and support. God has truly blessed me with a soul mate!
I am here to tell you that i knew that Cancer was a horrible disease but I had absolutely no clue how horrible! May God be with those who are experiencing it and those that love them enough to stay by their side.

I So Long

I so long 

to be somewhere

far far away

far from here

in some romantic

far away clime

somewhere beauty

knows no time

I so long

to wander around

to get lost 

and not be found

I so long 

to explore

anywhere I drift

Anywhere I soar

I so want more 

than what I see

out my window

when I drink tea

I love my home

Oh, yes I do

But I want to roam

Far, far away

BG

Modern Day Sheep

As I passed a field of sheep this morning that was located right beside the owners yard it got me to wondering about the difference between sheep raised in such a tame pasture and the sheep that are raised in a wilder setting where there is the danger of wolves, bears or even mountain lions. Are we as American Christians as spoiled as those sheep in that tame pasture. Do we take our Christianity so for granted that we wouldn't even know how to fight for the right to worship God? Have we become so self-satisfied and lazy in our beliefs that we even consider how blessed we are to be able to for the most part worship as we choose. If we were more like the sheep who have to be ever vigilant for their life would our faith be stronger and sweeter. I don't know if this is true or not but I believe the time is close when we won't take it for granted.
Today was a busy day from the get go. I knew that  I had to get up early to go help my mom so as usual in that case I woke up way early and couldn't go back to sleep. That doesn't give me enough to make it through the day. I went to the Scovill Zoo with my sister Donna and her twins after I was done helping my mom. I definitely used up my energy running after them. I crashed after I got home.
I love summer. There is so much beauty and good food to enjoy. I enjoy a lot of the insects I see too. This is one of them

Day With Family

Today I met with Elmer's sisters and sisters-in-law met back at his mom's house and cleaned the big house so the grandson that bought the place could move in on Saturday. Those ladies know how to clean! We cleaned that house from top to bottom. I would challenge anybody to find a speck of dirt anywhere. It was spotless! It is a two story house with a basement and we were done by noon! I know they all do that for each other when they are getting ready to have church in their house. They would probably  have a fit if they ever cleaned my house but that's ok. We are happy in our not so perfect house.
While we were there one of the sisters was telling us how somebody asked her if her and her husband talk together much when they are doing their barn chores in the morning. She said 4:00 AM is too early for a conversation. You just do your chores silently:) That made me think about the conversations Elmer and I have. Since he has been diagnosed with cancer it seems so much more important to share everything. Not that we didn't talk before but anything we do together seems just a little sweeter now. When we first got married I was sure that I loved him more than anybody else could possibly love their husband and I really did love him but it was a childish love. The years together have sweetened and matured our love. Marriage is really worth working for!
It has been unseasonably cool this year but my tomatoes are still ripening slowly. I want to try to make some sundried tomatoes for the first time this year. Hopefully they will turn out ok. I love recipes with them in it. I am also strongly thinking about making my own ketchup. Sounds a little scary but I really think I want to do it. My corn is done for the year  with 45 pints in the freezer. I didn't do any green beans.
It is time to put up the laptop and go to work.

Barb

Weekend Events

Friday was spent helping my sisters-in-law helping my Mother-in-law clean her new house so that we could move her in Friday evening when the guys came by to help. I was made very aware of  how hard a change like that could be and have been thinking a lot about how important it is to keep out focus on God so that when changes happen we have Godly attitudes. I pray that I will remember that as life goes on. Since there are eleven kids in Elmer's family there were many hands that made the job move quickly, There were a few of the grandchildren there also that were very willing to help. All in all it was a pretty good time.
Saturday evening Elmer and I went to my sister Louise's house along with our Steve and Nancy for Elmer's birthday. After we had eaten dinner we went out on the deck to enjoy the evening. There must have been a lot of mosquitos or other bugs out there because there were about 8 or 10 barn swallows flying up and down and around and around. It seemed to me that God had arranged an air show just for us. It was so cool to see!
Saturday evening Elmer and I were talking about the fact that we had taken a break from the Welcome Center at church while he was taking radiation treatments because we didn't know how his body would react to the treatments. We decided to tell Jacob that we could once again take our turn. When Elmer talked to him Sunday morning there was a need for us right away so it was good that we had made that decision.
This morning something made me aware sometimes we have to obedient to God in one area to get an answer to prayer in another. Am I saying that we have to pay God for answers? No I'm not saying that at all but here is an example to what I mean. I knew that I was supposed to call the hospital business office to straighten up confusion about a bill of Elmer's mom's but I kept putting it off. In the meantime it came to light that I had lost a piece of mail of Emily’s that she hadn’t even seen yet. I was worried because the envelope looked like it contained an invitation and she wouldn’t be able to respond if she didn’t even get to read it. I was so worried about the mail that I actually went outside and went through a gross bag of trash Elmer had set out for the garbage truck. No luck! When I finally responded to my conscience and did something about the bill I discovered Emily’s letter tucked inside the envelope of the bill. Relieved, almost hysterical laughter came from my mouth as I saw it! God and his answers! I love him so!

Elmer's Birthday

Today was Elmer's birthday and nothing really special happened but nothing makes you appreciate your husband's birthday more than just being happy that you still have him. I haven't written anything in awhile. Since I last wrote Elmer has gone through radiation for thyroid cancer and finished it. It went really well but he did and still does have a sore throat that makes it really hard to enjoy eating. Because of that I didn't protest too much when he said that instead of going out for his birthday he wants to go help his nephew.
I did however take cookies to Mid-State for everybody in honor of him. There are approx. 150 people working there so I started baking cookies on Monday; a huge batch of monster cookies, then on Tuesday I made a double batch of peanut butter cookies, and on Wednesday Annika and Shae came over and I made a double batch of snicker doodles. They were all pretty much inhaled by the end of first break. Then for lunch I took pulled pork and sides from Pauly's - a local eating place that Elmer enjoys.
After I came home from there I took a little break then went out and mowed the yard. For some reason I got to wondering how many miles I put on the lawn mower when I mow so I used map my run and found that I went 4.25 miles and it took me and 1hour and 20 minutes. Just a little trivia:) I do love mowing the yard. Elmer and I have planted so many things in the years that we have lived here. I do love my flowers and I can look at all of them as I mow. I also picked a bunch of tomatoes. So exciting to have fresh tomatoes! I love them! I'm making grilled burgers for dinner for Emily and me. Burgers, fresh tomatoes, and onions, yummy!

We have been waiting and waiting for the day of surgery and now that it's here there is just more waiting. He was supposed to be here at 11:30 and we had to wait forever for them to take him to surgery. They finally took him down but then we still waited for awhile for surgery to start. They had told him that it was out patient surgery but now we have found out that has to stay. My stomach is full of nerves. I do have lots of support though. All of our kids are here, two of my sisters, my brother, my mom and a couple of friends are here. The kids are playing cutthroat Rook. I played for awhile but I couldn't concentrate so I quit.

Well surgery is over and we are in a room. I am staying the night with him. The nurses are so kind and set me up with a recliner right beside him. The cancer was more extensive than we first thought. It was pushing against his esophagus and down to but not against his aorta. They think they got it all. They had to put an implant against his vocal cord to keep it from deteriating and causing problems with breathing.

His voice sounds so rough. He said his throat feels raw. He has three drains and about 26 staples in his neck. It doesn't look pretty but the nurses tell me that Dr. Sobel always does a good job.

I am so grateful for all the people who have been and still are praying for him. God is good indeed!

Unbelievable Happening

I am sitting here on the couch shaking my head, saying no no, it didn't happen!! It's not true! Please make it go away!! I can't believe this is happening! What am I talking about? This is the story:
Elmer has been having trouble with his voice since January 1, and has been to the doctor a few times. He was told that it was a sinus infection and did two rounds of antibiotics. Nothing changed so they decided that it was the acid reflux making his throat raw and that the prilosec he was taking was not doing the job so another medicine was tried. No change, so now we are sent to and ear, nose and throat specialist.
We went to the specialist on Thursday, March 20, 2014 and heard news that I never in my life wanted to hear! First, he checked Elmer's throat with scope through the nose and discovered that his left vocal cord was paralyzed. That's what is causing the hoarse sound to his voice. He proceeded to tell us that 30% of people this happens to they never figure out why it happens but for the other 70% the cancer. My whole body went cold! I did not want to hear that! He said that to figure out what was going on they would do a few tests. The first one was a video of his vocal cords and it was plain to see that the left one was not working at all. Next up was an ultra sound. Dr Sobol had barely started the test and I already saw him nodding his head as if everything was being confirmed that he had suspected. I was so scared! He pushed his chair back and said"See this right here? That is a mass around the thyroid gland. We'll have to take a needle biopsy of that one." They did that and then he went on looking and he said" oh here this lymph node is involved too. We need to take a biopsy of this one too." They did that and then he went on looking and kept saying here and here and I was getting more and more scared.
When he was done he said that Elmer needed more tests but he was 99% percent sure that it was cancer. It hurts so much to write that. He told us the different treatments that would happen it's confirmed. My mind was reeling.
It seems that I can't think of anything but that dreaded word! It follows me everywhere, mocking me! I can't seem to get away from it! My husband is such a great guy! I love him so much and I hate this for him. He does so much for me and now it's time I do for him.
My song for today was Healer by Kari Jobe. It helps to listen to it.
My prayer for today is first of all for complete healing for Elmer of course but also for peace and God's presence. I love feeling God's presence in my life. It is a precious feeling and I covet it. If there is anybody out there reading this I ask for your prayers also.